Wednesday, December 03, 2008

New CD reviews, Dec 3rd.

The Bronx
The Bronx III
White Drugs

I know this dude who can't listen to The Bronx anymore because his ex-girlfriend is fucking the bass player. It totally sucks when chicks ruin rock n' roll for you, man, and I feel for him 'cause I've been there. But The Bronx is so much better than shitty ex-girlfriends. Hell, they're way better than great current girlfriends. Unless your current girlfriend is a tattooed Spanish astrophysicist who's always inviting her friends over so they can compare tits and bake you cookies. Actually, I still think The Bronx are way more awesome and I would choose them. However, they'll be releasing a mariachi album in the not-to-distant future, so play your cards right and maybe you can have it all.

- Jeff Warren

Dragonforce
Ultra Beatdown
Roadrunner/Spinefarm/Universal

I'm bored of videogame metal. I can't even be bothered to air guitar anymore either, because that stage is just getting way too crowded with poseurs. I'm not sure at what point epic gave way to irony, but here we are, a world full of guitars and nary a hero in sight. It's hard to blame a band for an uncontrollable cultural conscience, but if I punch another poseur somebody's bound to call the police, so...you know. I mean, I like you, Dragonforce. I just don't like the people who think they like you too.

- Jeff Warren

Santeria
Year of the Knife
Golarwash Labs & Records

Santeria is the greatest rock band in America. An America, mind you, that's more Mexican than McDonald's and more mystic and magical than muck and mire. I want to live in Santeria's America. I want to ride shotgun in the yellow ghost cab speeding down the dusty highways of truth and oblivion. And when I get to wherever it is I'm meant to be, I want to relax in an old rocking chair on a rickety porch and read Richard Brautigan. Then I want to die like the sun at dusk while the dobro plays my last song. You see, just when you thought all your dreams were dead, Santeria rises once again.

-Jeff Warren

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